When I grow up I DO NOT WANT TO BE...

I have recently discovered that there are quite a few things that I am completely okay with not ever having to experience again. One of which has truly broken my heart. My sister in law and brother in law had to go out of town for the weekend and left their family pets home. They have a cat named Fenway (yes after the field where the Red Sox play) and a dog named Chewy (after Chewbaca from Star Wars). Chewy has been a part of their family forever it seems. He is a golden retriever and is a very sweet dog. He is annoying as all get out but over all he is a great dog. Recently Chewy has gotten sick and is riddled with tumors. He had a abscess grow on the back of his back leg that so graciously decided to burst open when I was babysitting my niece and nephew for my sister in laws birthday. So I played veterinarian that night and tried to clean the abscess and get him all bandaged up. It was awful but we got through it. So since that night he has just been not himself and I was starting to think maybe it was time for this old guy to run crazy in doggy heaven. Note to self... next time I think that I will recant... immediately. So fast forward to yesterday when I was over at my in laws house checking on things and getting Cohen from Kathy (a family friend who is watching my niece and nephew). I was running late trying to get what felt like a million things done so Kathy had picked up Cohen & Teagan from school and met me at the in laws home. So We get there and sure enough old Chewy was not looking so great. When we tried to get him to come inside he attempted to get up but then laid back down. After looking at him further, I realized he was panting and shaking pretty bad. I called my sister in law and then the vet. Long story short, after lots of phone calls, I loaded a 100+ pound dog into my car and off we went to McDonald's. I fed Chewy two huge cheeseburgers and an XL french fry..... in about 2 minutes. He as fat and happy, which was my goal because of the next stop I had to make. In that moment I became the grim reaper... off to take Chewy to meet his maker. As we got the the vet's office I began to cry. I walked in and the nurses were all very kind and the vet himself came out and got Chewy out of my car. After the vet examined Chewy, he explained to me that Chewy had some sort of neurological problem now, on top of the thyroid & tumors & abscess & whatever else problems there were. This neurological problem had spread and caused Chewy to lose control of his back legs.... which is why he couldn't stand on his own. The vet was so kind and reassured me over and over to let my sister in law & brother in law know that we were doing the right thing and that it was the best thing for Chewy. As Chewy laid there looking up at me with these big brown eyes, all I could think was that he seemed almost relieved and at peace with what was happening. It was like he knew and that he was happy to not have to be in pain anymore. I stayed with him as hte doctor inserted a very tiny needle into his vein in his front leg. I noticed the vet's hands were shaking and asked him if this ever got easier to do. He told me in the most gentle voice ever... "no. i hate every second of this." I felt the exact same way. I balled like a baby as he injected this pink liquid into this big old dog who was so loved by his family... the family that wasn't there. Chewy stared into my eyes the whole time and in what seemed like only a few seconds he laid his head down into my hands and took his final breath. I lost it completely at that point. They placed Chewy into a cadaver bag and into my car and I made my way back to my in-laws house. When I got there I was on a mission.... dig the best grave I can for this dog. So dig i did. I dug that grave in a perfect rectangle and about 3 feet deep. I was so caught up in the emotions of what had just happened that I didn't even notice time passing by. Some guys from our church came by and helped me put Chewy's body in the grave and we slowly replaced the the dirt back into the hole. I made a simple cross and placed it at the head of the grave site and painted Chewy's name right on it. I said a little prayer for my sister & brother in law and their children then made my way home. When I got home I hugged my baby boys so tightly and in that moment realized I have the very best job in the world.... and that when I grow up I NEVER want to be a vet.... their job is by far one of the worst!